


December

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Losing, M/M, Minnesota Wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the end of December, the Minnesota Wild set a franchise record with six straight regulation losses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pretending to be People Who Talk

**Author's Note:**

> I was sad when I wrote parts of this, but the people who have read it says that it isn’t actually sad? But damn, Wild, why you gotta do this to me? Stop making me sad, or I’ll quit you and make indie rap rpf a thing. (No I won’t, I love you, be better.)  
> Thanks to BessyBoo for making me actually write this when I emailed her one bit of it.  
> Thanks to Stellarer for making my writing so much more coherent, and for buying me lunch today, and for putting up with me through this stretch of games.

**December 19th, the Wild lose in Pittsburgh, 5-2.**

They lost. That’s all that really matters. 

They lost to the Pittsburgh Penguins, the best team in the East. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. But they lost 5-2, and played poorly.

That was yesterday, that was Pittsburgh. They’re past that now, boarding a bus from the airport into Manhattan. Jonas isn’t going to think about yesterday, he isn’t going to think about Pittsburgh. They’re going to ride the bus into Manhattan, they’re going to play the Rangers next, they’re going to be better.

Ryan takes the seat next to him on the bus, which Jonas didn’t expect. They don’t usually sit together. Jonas doesn't have anything to say. He looks out the window. It's very grey. Pavement, cement, cars, dirty snow.

"Hey kid,” Ryan says.

Jonas nods in recognition.

Neither of them says anything until they're on the road, stuck standing still, headed into the city.

"You doing alright?" Ryan asks, casually, like they're people who talk about stuff. They aren’t.

"Zach put you up to this?" Jonas asks.

Ryan shakes his head. "No. We haven't hung out lately, I wanted to check in."

Jonas doesn't believe him.

"I'm fine."

Ryan seems skeptical, but it doesn't seem like he's going to push it. Good.

"And how are you?" Jonas asks, just because he can.

Ryan doesn't say anything for a while, then he shrugs. So articulate.

Jonas cracks up. He doesn't make any noise, but Ryan still notices, and shoves him in the side.

"I'm alright," Ryan says. Jonas doesn't believe him, but whatever.

The point isn't the answer: neither of them are fine. Neither of them are alright. But they're talking about it?

Well, no, they aren't, but Ryan asked, and Jonas knows they _could_ talk about it if he thought that would make things any better, instead of just so much worse. Knowing that there's someone he could talk to is enough.

They aren't moving. The bus is stuck in traffic, going nowhere. Jonas stares out at all the cars. There are so many of them, all so still.

They've been quiet; quiet and still; the cars and trucks and other buses around them are loud and still, growling engines belching out dirty exhaust.

They don't need to be quiet. Jonas has time to figure out what he'd like to say. They'll be here for a while. He has plenty of time. He thinks about it, about the last few games, about feeling that he hasn’t been as steady as he wants to be. It’s a lot to think about.

What he finally says is, "It's weird to play with Marco instead of you."

"Yeah?"

"It's not...bad? But it's different." Jonas doesn’t really know how to put it. It isn’t only the language barrier, he can’t even manage to sort it inside his own head. Maybe there’s an English word that would fit perfectly, and he just hasn’t found it yet, or maybe it’s the kind of mess that doesn’t like to be put into language.

"It's weird for me too, to play with Spurg instead of you,” Ryan says. “Not bad as the start of last year, playing in a new system, without Shea, no real training camp. That was...hard."

That does sound challenging. Jonas hasn't even played a full season in this league, his comfort level shouldn't depend on Ryan.

Ryan keeps talking. “But we started playing together, and it got easier. You just gotta stick with it, it’ll get easier. If you’re playing with someone new, remember to keep playing your game," Ryan says. "You're smart, you see the ice well, doesn’t matter if it's with me or with Marco. You'll be fine."

That's nice of Ryan to say, even if it isn't quite true. One of the reasons why the pairs have been getting switched around is because Jonas hasn't been at his best. But it doesn’t help to focus on that. He can be better.

The bus still isn't moving. If Jonas had anywhere he wanted to be he'd be going crazy, but the only thing he wants is to not think about the game they just lost, and not worry about the next game, which they need to win. 

Sitting on the bus, talking to Ryan, pretending they’re people who talk, Jonas doesn't have to. It's nice. On some level. It doesn't hurt that much. They can still win the next one. But right now they aren’t going anywhere, and there’s nothing Jonas can do, just sit, and listen, and believe that they’ll be better next game.


	2. Keep Going

**December 22nd, the Wild lose in New York City, 4-1.**

Losses piling on like this create a familiar weight on Mikko’s chest. Losing in Pittsburg was bad, and this was not how they wanted to respond. There’s another chance to get back on track tomorrow in Philly, though Mikko suspects they may be missing a key part of their team.

Mikko’s focused on taking off his own pads, but he hears Zach wince as he takes off his skates.

“It’s not getting any better,” Mikko says. It’s not a question. Zach doesn’t answer. He stretches his legs out in front of him, and stares down at his foot, still mostly dressed.

Mikko doesn’t know what to say.

“You need to have that looked at.” It’s not an order. It’s a fact. They both know it. Zach’s foot hasn’t gotten any better, it’s gotten worse, and something has to happen.

Zach nods glumly. He isn’t looking at Mikko, he’s looking down at his feet. It isn’t that he’s brooding over his injury, this is how he responds to a loss — by avoiding eye contact and working harder the next day.

Only he can’t keep going like that — he’s going to have to stop, and rest, and heal. Mikko knows how frustrating that is. He’d like to think he’s learned his lesson, that it doesn’t help to rush to return, that it pays to be patient, but well — time will tell. Hopefully there won’t be an opportunity to find out. Right now he just has to keep playing, the team has to keep going, that’s all they can do.

Losing two in a row isn’t the end of the world. Losing Zach to injury isn’t the end of the world. They have the talent and resiliency to come back from this. They can’t crumble. They just have to keep going. That’s the only thing to do.

Mikko’s been here before. He’s experienced what it’s like for the Wild to fall apart in December, and he isn’t going to let that happen again. He has to keep the team going. 

Mikko doesn't have to look after Zach, who’s an adult, and has Ryan. It's mostly the kids that Mikko is thinking about.

Mikko has been here before, gotten through the losses — the kids haven't, not really. Charlie and Jonas were here last April, when nothing worked, but it's different when the playoffs are in sight. It's only December, they're only halfway there, and Mikko needs to make sure the kids realize how much of the season is left. What happens now matters, every game matters, but there's a lot more hockey to play. You have to keep on going. 

Lose a game, go out and win the next one. Lose that, win the next one. Mikko will go out and play hard, be a good example for the kids. They're going to keep on going. There's nothing else they can do.


	3. Three Whole Days

**December 23rd, the Wild lose in Philadelphia, 4-1**

They have a three day break. That's all Nino can think about. Three whole days without any hockey: no games, no practice, nothing.

The first day starts early in the morning, when they land in Minnesota, having gone straight from the arena to the airport. The plane was half full, with a bunch of guys headed in different directions for the break. It’s Christmas Eve. It’s almost two in the morning. Nino’s so tired. He’s so glad he doesn’t have to drive himself home.

The first day off starts properly around eleven when Nino wakes up in his own bed for the first time in too long. Mikael is a lump next to him, breathing softly. There’s light coming in through a gap in the curtains. Nino can't think of anywhere else in the world he'd rather be. They have three full days off.

Mikael’s hair is messy, falling over his face. Nino reaches over to push it out of Mikael’s eyes.

Mikael wrinkles his nose and says, "No. Sleeping." It's adorable.

“Three days off,” Nino says. He really is excited about this. “Three whole days, what do you want to do?”

“Nothing,” Mikael says.

Nothing is tempting.

Nothing means sleeping in, staying in bed, lounging around, ordering take out. Nothing does sound good.

It’s a holiday though. They might want to try for a bit more than nothing. Or even if they don’t want to, Nino thinks they might have to.

They have options. Pommer asked them to dinner tonight, which would be a family thing, with kids around, lots of noise. Mikael’s expected at Mikko’s tomorrow, he at least should make an appearance, let Mikko and Helena feed him, get a little taste of home. Nino’s come to terms with tagging along, even though he won’t understand most of the conversation and still finds their captain intimidating. Mikko’s mostly accepted that Mikael and Nino are dating, but Nino still strongly suspects that Mikko will kill him if he fucks this up.

Nino's pretty sure he won't fuck it up. It comes easily, for the most part, and even when it’s harder, it's something worth working for. 

Being with Mikael has been the best thing in Nino’s life lately. It was just a horrible road trip, but not as bad as it would have been if Mikael hadn't been there too. 

(The last trip reminded Nino of his rookie year with the Islanders. Losing in Pittsburg, in Philadelphia, in New York city, it felt familiar. Except as a rookie he never had a chance to contribute, and going home didn’t mean a flight to the midwest. Whenever he thinks about that year he’s so glad to have moved on. It’s better here.)

"No, we can’t do nothing, I don't think that's a choice," Nino says. They're part of a team, even if there are three days off, there are still things to do.

"Very little then. I want to do very little."

That does sound nice. Nino reaches out to pull Mikael closer, he's so warm, it's so nice, to be home in Nino's own bed. Mikael takes the contact as an excuse to get handsy, to move even closer, and breathe hot against Nino's neck, as he says, "I want to do you."

Nino laughs.

"Yes, but not just that." They have three whole days off. They have time. Time to celebrate the holidays with their team, time to stay in bed, time to do nothing. Three days off, which will hopefully be long enough to get things in order so they can start winning when they head back on the road.


	4. What Ryan Learned

**December 27th, the Wild lose in Winnipeg, 6-4.**

You need something more than the game. Something to come home to, something to hold on to. More than just dogs or a warm body in your bed, you need something to believe in.

If all he had was the game, things would be worse than bleak. They're clinging to ninth place, but really further out because they've played more games. They can't win on the road. Zach's hurt, and Ryan's still a bit banged up. Zach had been playing through it, but his limp got worse instead of better, and all Ryan could do was watch, unable to say anything without being a grade-A hypocrite. Zach was home tonight, watching on tv as they lost in Winnipeg, in a defenseless game where Ryan was a minus three.

This is all horrible. This is unacceptable. They have to find a way to start scoring goals and winning games.

But...

Zach's waiting for him at home. He should be asleep by the time the team’s flight gets in. (Ryan lives in hope. Zach should be resting. He knows the good money is on Zach being awake, not even reading in bed, but up sprawled on the couch, not even trying to make it seem like he isn’t staying up just to see Ryan for a few minutes before falling asleep). Zach will always be waiting up for him, or better yet, getting home with him.

Zach and him will always. They're always. They're for keeps.

That's why they're here today. The Wild might be losing, but they got to spend Christmas together, with both their families. There were three days off (minus one check in with the doctors for Zach, which Ryan insisted on driving him to). They rested, ate well, did a whole lot of nothing. Slept in. Hauled themselves over to Zach's parents’ place for a while. Came home, spent more time in bed.

Three days off, then Ryan had to fly to Winnipeg, where it's even colder than Minnesota, just to lose, and break his point streak, and not be good enough. All while Zach stayed at home, staying off his foot. If Zach's still awake, which he will be, he'll be grumpy, frustrated that he couldn't play, tired because he should have gone to bed hours ago instead waiting up for Ryan. Tired and hurt, Zach will remind Ryan of storm clouds. The pain will be worse than it has to be. Nothing can make the loss feel better, but Zach won’t take anything for his foot if there isn't someone around to tell him he should.

(Ryan asked Donna to check in on him during the day. Zach texted him about it, that she brought over lunch and they spent the afternoon playing cribbage. Zach pointedly mentioned that he's twenty-nine and can take care of himself. If Zach had a real problem with his mother stopping by when he was hurt, they could have played for the Red Wings. Zach shouldn't complain.)

Ryan gets to come home to all that: five feet and ten inches of frustrated, limping determination. He's so lucky.

He believes that Zach and him are awesome together. Even if they're not playing good hockey. Even if they're not both on the ice. They're together, and that's awesome.

They're good for each other. Zach makes Ryan want to talk about the future, and their past. Zach makes Ryan want to _talk, _in a way that no one else does.__

__Losing still hurts. Everything kind of hurts, the whole world seems a bit achy and sore. But Ryan gets to go home to Zach, and badger him into taking something for the pain before they go to bed. Then he gets to fall asleep with Zach warm next to him, breathing steadily. Ryan's going to be falling asleep next to Zach for the rest of forever._ _

__They have to stop losing. They're going to get better. Zach's foot will get better, and the team will get better, and the whole world will seem brighter. Until then, through the current darkness, Ryan will still get to fall asleep next to Zach, and wake up next to Zach, and struggle to fall asleep next to Zach while he's reliving goals he couldn't stop and shots that just missed. When things turn around, and they start winning again Ryan will still have Zach beside him. That's what matters the most. The rest of it is still important, but this is what he believes in._ _


	5. You Belong Here

**December 29th, the Wild lose to the Islanders in Saint Paul, 5-4.**

Mikael knows how much this game meant Nino. It was his chance to show his old team how wrong they were about him by being great and beating them. Nino got a goal and an assist but they still blew a three goal lead to lose 5-4. That’s their fifth loss in a row. It’s unacceptable.

But it’s not the end of the world.

Nino had planned on going to go out with some old teammates after the game. Mikael had resigned himself to getting dragged along and meeting someone named “Brock,” which absolutely does not sound like a real name. But now Nino doesn’t want to go out, he wants to go home and feel sorry for himself, which doesn’t sound reasonable. Mikael would rather not go out, but he doesn’t think Nino should be making himself miserable over this game. 

That's why he doesn't press the button for his own floor. He ignores Jonas rolling his eyes in the mirrored wall of the elevator, he wants to follow Nino home. Nino isn't paying attention to him right now. His shoulders are slumped, and he's frowning. He seems small, not enjoyably tall and broad like he usually is.

Mikael can fix this. 

He follows Nino out of the elevator and down the hall. Nino doesn’t acknowledge him, but that extends to not telling Mikael to go away. Good enough.

Nino unlocks the door and turns on the light. They both shed their winter coats. Mikael doesn’t give Nino time to take off his scarf. Instead he grabs hold of the ends and uses it to pull Nino down for a kiss.

Nino lets out a startled sound, but he kisses back. Mikael just wants to keep kissing. He wants this to go on and on, get swallowed up in how it feels. Nino's body is solid, reassuringly so, something Mikael wants to believe in. 

All Mikael wants to do is kiss. That and feel Nino up and probably go down on him and hopefully get Nino to pull his hair, Mikael likes it when Nino pulls his hair, and later they'll go to bed but not to sleep. But that will have to wait a while. There are things Mikael needs to say first. 

“You didn’t lose that game, not on your own." He doesn’t want to think about the last game, or the one before, or any of it really. He has other things on his mind, but he needs to get Nino on the same page first. "We lost that game as a team. This team? Is your team." 

Mikael really, _really_ , wants to stop talking, he isn’t good at this, especially not in English, but he doesn’t want Nino to feel bad so he has to try. He just wants to kiss Nino and have that be enough, but he doesn’t know, and it has to be enough, he has to make this better.

They lost as a team, they’ve been losing lately, but maybe Mikael can win here, that could be enough.

“It’s good you’re here. I want you on my line, here with me.” It’s true. This is their fifth straight loss, and it seems like nothing’s working. But they’re good together. That’s the truth. 

“The Islanders were wrong about you, and didn’t know what they were giving up, and I want you here. Got it?” Mikael asks.

Nino nods.

“Good.” Then Mikael kisses him again, takes a step so he’s pushing Nino against the wall, wrapping his arms around Nino’s neck, standing on his toes and kissing Nino _hard._ It has to be a good kiss, good enough to make Nino realize that he belongs here, because words can’t be enough.


	6. A New Year

**December 31st, the Wild lse to the Blues in Saint Paul, 2-1.**

Zach doesn’t hurry down to the locker room after the game. It may have been his team losing tonight, but he wasn’t on ice for this one. He lingers in the press box, watching the arena empty out. The fans started leave at the end of the third, disappointed by the performance in front of them, and correctly assuming that there wasn't anyway the Wild could tie it up in the final minutes. They did miss Ryan's goal.

It was a nice one — a shot from the point that got through, found the back of the net. With eight point three seconds left. Not a lot of reasons to hope. Zach was still on the edge of his seat, wishing for a miracle.

Nothing came. Another regulation loss. Six in a row. A franchise record Zach didn't want any part of.

Zach isn't in any hurry to get down to the locker room. Yeo's stopped saying anything after losses. He's leaving it up to the leaders on the team, and Zach's sure that Mikko and Jason and Ryan can handle it on their own. He doesn't have anything to say.

Eventually he does have to head downstairs. The press is starting to trickle back in, having collected their post game quotes. If he hangs around any longer he'll start imagining what they're writing. It can’t be anything good.

The locker room is quiet when he gets down there, but not silent. Some of the kids are trying to decide on their plans for the rest of the evening. It's New Year's Eve, and even if they didn't win tonight there's something to be said for celebrating 2013 being over.

2013 was good to Zach, for the most part, until the very end. He was fine until just before Thanksgiving, although April could have gone better. There's certainly room for improvement in 2014.

If the young guys want to go out, good for them. Zach is resigned to being old and boring. He wants to spend New Years Eve with Ryan on the couch. Twelve fifteen sounds like a reasonable bedtime. They have practice in the morning.

Well, Ryan has practice. Zach doesn't have anything better to do than tag along and watch. All he gets to do is watch right now.

Ryan's not close to being ready to go, so Zach decides to wait in the family room. That's what he is tonight: family, not a player.

He meets Jonas's parents who are in town, and talks about what they've seen of the cities so far. Not much, apparently, but they've seen their son, which is all that really matters. Zach still recommends a few sights they might be interested in. He's lived around here long enough that he should know.

He's moved on to talking to Danielle, who has little-Zach asleep on her shoulder, when Ryan finds him. Spurg is with him, ready to leave with his wife and child. That leaves Zach and Ryan alone. 

"Home?" Zach asks.

Ryan nods, and they head out, walking side by side through the arena, then the tunnels to the car. Ryan looks worse than Zach feels, so pretty bad. Zach wishes they were still holding hands, but there are too many other people around.

Zach needs a moment to...not fix it, that's out of his control, but to do the little he can to make things better.

"Hey, come here for a minute," Zach says, pulling Ryan down a rarely used corridor.  
Zach presses Ryan against the wall, settles his hands on Ryan's hips, buries his face against Ryan's shoulder. Ryan's arms come up to wrap around him, holding him close.

"I liked your goal," Zach says.

"Thanks.”

It's nice to stand like this, for a little while. Ryan's pleasantly solid, good to hold on to, he smells like home. They should just go home now. They've had a moment that doesn't suck. Zach feels a little bit better, he hopes Ryan does too. He doesn't really want to take a step away, but they're standing in a hallway. They can't stay here all night.

"Wanna get out of here?" Zach asks.

"Yes please," Ryan says.

They walk out to the car, side by side. They aren't holding hands, but their shoulders keep bumping together.

Ryan drives — he's such a good winter driver, the right mix of fearless and careful. The roads are bad, but they'll get home safe. The dogs will greet them at the door, ready to get let out. They'll eat something nice for the holiday, settle in, maybe watch the ball drop on TV. Zach isn't sure yet. It doesn't really matter.

Zach will get to kiss Ryan at midnight. That's still exciting. You're supposed to spend New Years Eve the way you want to spend the next year. Zach would really like to be playing hockey and winning, but if he can't have all that, being with Ryan is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> They actually went on to have an awesome January, despite their injuries. I love them. They’re terrible.
> 
> Also, Ryan Suter badgering anyone is a pun. Just thought I’d point that out for you. Because puns are great.


End file.
